Lot of my friends and wellwishers in past few weeks have given me a lot of advice, of course for my own good, and i listened patiently and was thinking inside my head that there is lot of it i know already, and lot of it is true but we all can talk a lot about the ideal things, the way they are supposed to be, for instance, "be happy every day", "try to find out happiness out of little things", "life is unfair to lot of us", "it's complicated", "we have to fight and come out winning", "never lose hope", everything sounds so true, ain't it and even not so difficult to do and may definitely help, but when all of these things have been said, i was curiously thinking inside my head that i was just hoping a decade ago, that i have gone past a sweet phase of life (childhood) which was not as expected or how ideally it should be, may be the mischievous phase of life (adulthood) will bring me some stability, some perfection, but not to be. Definitely, lot of people face these problems, probably all of what i have been through, probably worse, but do they deserve it, does anyone deserve it?
I disagree that some people are not living a dream of their lives, but i don't envy them, never been like that thankfully and more so for my own good, i am not too selfish either, so i don't think about myself very often (may be one thing i should change now) and probably these 2 things are allowing me to hold my nerves even after so much has happened. I wanted to live that dream too, not just for myself, for people who suffered with me, more than me, my mother, my sister, my friends who stood by me. I wanted to see my mother happy for the rest of her years, but not living another of her son's misfortunes (mistake in this case). I wanted to see a little kid in her hands, the happiness which might have given her some extra years, but not a kid who is not getting any younger and she still needs to worry about him. I am sincerely sorry to her and to all of those who have been part of my life in every capacity and has smiled and cried with me.
And if nothing else, i can promise to all of them that i will try my best that they won't get into any further trouble or become sad/concerned for which i am the reason.
I sincerely accept everyone's advice and will try to apply them all i can but somewhere inside i think how great it could have been if i would have never needed these advices. Sigh!
I disagree that some people are not living a dream of their lives, but i don't envy them, never been like that thankfully and more so for my own good, i am not too selfish either, so i don't think about myself very often (may be one thing i should change now) and probably these 2 things are allowing me to hold my nerves even after so much has happened. I wanted to live that dream too, not just for myself, for people who suffered with me, more than me, my mother, my sister, my friends who stood by me. I wanted to see my mother happy for the rest of her years, but not living another of her son's misfortunes (mistake in this case). I wanted to see a little kid in her hands, the happiness which might have given her some extra years, but not a kid who is not getting any younger and she still needs to worry about him. I am sincerely sorry to her and to all of those who have been part of my life in every capacity and has smiled and cried with me.
And if nothing else, i can promise to all of them that i will try my best that they won't get into any further trouble or become sad/concerned for which i am the reason.
I sincerely accept everyone's advice and will try to apply them all i can but somewhere inside i think how great it could have been if i would have never needed these advices. Sigh!
