“You should learn not to push people away”? Yes, that’s
being said to me who cared about people more than own self without exception.
May be I always set the wrong expectation that “Its ok, say things, I am a
pushover, won’t mind too much and yeah I don’t get hurt too easy”, maybe I should
have thought about myself some bit, in fact I am changing it now and maybe that
is why people are not understanding my changed behavior, maybe I pushed my
self-respect a way too sudden and way too late. But Saurabh Garg, don’t you
think it’s your misconception that it all matters, that somebody pays attention
to what you feel for more than when you are talking or may be less? Will this
thing ever get over, should I become a very mean person if it does, should I reciprocate
everything what has happened to me in all these years? Can I? Does this world
only understand it the hard way, is there no humanity left? Do we always have
to live in our cocoons like wild animals? Do we always have to fight for the
basic things including someone’s love/attention? Is it that bad out there? I am
getting more and more depressed off the world I am living in, more disappointed
as I am growing every year. I am afraid I don’t come under severe depression; I
don’t want to, I want to enjoy the beauty of life, and as I realized it’s
certainly not the people, it’s the peaceful loneliness, the time you can spend
with yourself with no regret, burden on your head.
“You are just being desperate Saurabh, let other people live,
they don’t owe you nothing. You need to accept the inhumane practicality of
this life. You are just another individual who have to die one day and that is
the only truth.” – Say this thousand times a day, may be you will get it.
