Trouble maker

Why is that you hurt people you care for the most, unknowingly. I should control my mouth, didn't want to see a frown on her face, it aches. A self created trouble! May be I should mind my own business most of the time.

Hope she have a smile on her face, that would be my Diwali gift this year.

"Maktub"

Embarking a new journey, it might not be such a big step as i am making it appear or may be it is. In a way, it's good that I will finally get to meet "B" and i am very excited about it but at the same time, I have to leave everyone else behind which ties my feet. I remember the time when I was moving to Hyderabad and "A" sent my resignation cause I just couldn't gather the courage to press the send button. She met me outside with "R" and she had tears in her eyes. I  had anger in my eyes though, cause it was not what I wanted. They despised me and the first heart break as a young guy (strange, I didn't get my first heart break cause of a girlfriend :)). I stood there with a bag I used to carry on my shoulders with lifeless limbs, thinking "How could they do this to me" and left never to look back but I did, a lot of times and in a way blame both of them for where I am today. Have I not moved to Hyderabad, it would have been a completely different life but may be I would have met all those wonderful people I did, may be it is all destined. "Maktub"!

Anyway, here I am again, going to a foreign land with nothing but a single dream in my eyes. When will I focus on my life, when will I start thinking about myself which I expect others to do on my behalf. I am sick of moving on, I want to settle at a place with a small group besides me with whom I grow old with, why I can't it be like that. I always feel I am born in a wrong era, and the reason I am struggling so much dealing with emotions. I read somewhere, you see the world how you would like it to be rather than how it is and combining this with the first trait just makes it extra messy.

Alas, here I am with my messed up life, where the most suited ones keep telling me to change and this ain't the "ideal" way to lead. "B" told me once "you are not the only good person in this world, there are many many more" and it brought some sense into me. But, whenever I think about it, I tell her in my mind, "B, but how many can keep living with it and be happy. I wish to attain that, that's my destiny".

I know I ain't going to be Ambani or Bill gates but I will not throw my life away, I will make it enough to do well but I wish I do it on my own terms and not forced to change a lot.

The Alchemist

Taught me a few things, as with everyone else who read it, I assume. It was a special read cause someone close, asked me to read it, probably the only way I could read something. And the only reason, I tried to understand, relate, think and learn.

- It tells me to focus, on the goal, give everything to it or don't bother pursuing it (like the crystal merchant, who is not leading a bad life but less content with a missing link)

- It tells me to listen to my heart. Sometimes it pushes and sometimes warns you. It might not tell you the exactly how to discover the "elixir of life" but it definitely can lead you towards it. Warning: It involves sacrifices, giving up on your immediate treasure, your loved ones in the pursuit of something else

- It tells me "not to spill the oil in the spoon", which I will try not to forget, ever

The more I read, the more I thought, happy and confused at the same time. The inquisitive me, seek more answers, which I hoped I would get somewhere. It didn't tell me "How do I listen to my heart to know what my destiny is and the path to it in so much noise", "What happens to people who probably don't reach their destiny but interrupt others, do they meet their just and why the desert sand don't engulf them". Probably, it's just my anger and it's not important.

I am in the middle of a journey which probably will lead me to "The pyramids" or probably settles me in a crystal shop, atop hill, but I do certainly cherish the Englishmen, King, Alchemist I am meeting along the way. Probably, keeping them in my little bag I carry, is my destiny, probably that's what I want to do.

Of all the people I met and connected with, I am left with 3 most important gems, my mother, my friend "B" and a sister "Y". Not that there are not more good friends or relatives of mine, but they sometimes want something in return which I don't always possess and at those times, I need to categorize again.

I can be judged very easily, can be loved and hated very easily but "kept" very seldom and these 3 gems keep me, they don't want anything in return and I say to the wind, this in my world is "True Love", is "Fatima's Love".