Cherish or Mourn this life?

What did i do to become a person like this. Wasn't i always a good guy, obeyed to parents, cared for little sister, always there to help friends, earned money, do hard work at office, what did i miss, what the hell did i miss? But still, i am the one who have to avoid conversations so that they don't hurt me, don't remind me that they are better off. Ideally, i should be walking tall with all that i saw in life, 11 year old kid didn't know what to do, what now, what is the future, no money, 1000 Rs. a month for 3 people, yes i survived, yes i came out, yes i fucked everybody's brain out when i got selected for BIS and then Microsoft from this background. Didn't i have had my share of tough time in 30 years, to see more? How much more?

And now, i am losing my cool every day, every second, i don't know how to maintain relations anymore, i am always pissed at something, how far can i go like this. This way, i will loose everything i am left with. I feel like a liability, people are cutting corners when i talk about going out somewhere, it's a weird feeling i used to have 12 years back but then i got used to good things, i don't want to go back to feeling lonely.

I know what i missed, i missed myself, dropped it somewhere along the way, i couldn't handle everything else with my own burden it seems.